Page 24 - March22T

Ambiguous
Non-pilots Use AiiCD
am-big·u·ous /am'bigyoo s/ Adjective open to more than one
interpretation; unclear or inexact because a choice between alternatives has not been made.
Do you get impatient or frustrated when communicat- ing with non-pilots – including your non-pilot signifi- cant other? After flying, it takes time to transition
back to using Ambiguous, Inaccurate and Inefficient Civilian Dialect (AiiCD© – pronounced Acid). Because, after each radio call, we pilots are conditioned to get or give a response. When conversing with non-aviation people, once we say something to them, we’re conditioned to expect a response – ANY response. Like tennis, racquetball or ping-pong, we’re waiting for them to hit the communication ball back to us. If not, after a five-second pause, it’s a delay of game pen- alty and we’re compelled by our stay-ahead-of-the-airplane patience level to exclaim in a patronizing voice: “Over?”
And for the sake of all things holy in the wide, wide world of aviation, hit the same ball back to me that I hit to you – respond to the question/subject in play. Then, if you must, you can expand with your creative, fluffy, fuzzy-wuzzy, AiiCD interpretation of what you “feel” should be said next. This will give me time to turn down the radio volume or to cover your voice with “bla-bla-bla.” Now, before you replace my bio pic with one of ventriloquist Jeff Dunham’s “Walter,” read on.
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
– Rodney Dangerfield
We share radio frequencies with many of our brethren, and pilots learn to be nauseatingly accurate, specific and brief in the way in which we communicate. Nauseating to non-pilots, that is. And the techniques we use on the radio inevitably spill over into our non-flying lives, often making communication with non-pilots a painful volley. Sometimes, however, those around us become “contaminated” by our efficient, piloty-persona and imitate our techniques.
22 • TWIN & TURBINE / March 2022
There is a story (allegedly true?) that exemplifies this point. To wit: A lady, when asked by her husband if she was secretly seeing the pilot down the road, replied to him, “Say again?” When her confused husband cautiously but sternly repeated the question about her rendezvous with the pilot- neighbor, the reply this time was a resounding, “Negative!” No linguistic CSI needed here. Many of the flight attendants I flew with had not fully adapted to our lingo – or me to theirs – and they sometimes used the “wrong” words. One FA said that she taught yogurt. “Really?” I asked. “Yogurt?” And attempting to place a pre-departure drink request using pilot efficiency is another example:
From the Flight Deck
by Kevin R. Dingman
FA- Me- FA- Me- FA- Me –
FA- Me -
WhatcanIgetyoutodrink,Captain?
Coffee with one sugar and anything white, please. Youmeancream?
Sure, that’s fine.
Well, that’s what white is.
No, not always. Sometimes you give me white, non-dairy powdered creamer, sometimes it’s cream that’s white, sometimes it’s half-and-half; also white. Sometimes it’s 2 percent milk, sometimes whole milk, sometimes....
OK,OK,OK!Igetit!Ishouldhavebeenmorespecific.
No, you didn’t need to be more specific. That’s why I was ambiguous and said anything white because any white option is fine.
It would serve me right if she had added mayonnaise or salt to my coffee. Months later, the same FA and I chuckled at our next pre-departure exchange when she returned with my coffee – topped with four tiny white marshmallows. I think she put them in her crew bag and was waiting for the next time we f lew together!
Diamond: Calf: Ruler: Pipe: Deck: Notes:
Ring or baseball? Cow or leg? Measure or King? Smoke or plumbing? Boat or cards? Writing or music?
e