That’s Not What Rusty Said

“Let’s start with the cockpit preparation checklist,” I said.
Patty “Battery disconnect switch”
Me “Battery disconnect is guarded and normal.”
Patty “Interior switch”
Me “Interior switch is normal.”
Patty “Circuit breakers”
Me “Circuit breakers, they look good.”
Patty “Ah, wait a minute. That’s not how you are supposed to do it.”
Me “What do you mean, that’s not how I am supposed to do it?”
Patty “Rusty says you need to touch each one of them.”
Me “Rusty? Who the hell is Rusty?”
Patty “He’s my flight instructor at FlightSafety in Wichita.”
Me “You have your own instructor at FlightSafety?”
Patty “Yes, and everyone loves Rusty.”
Me “Well fine then. I will touch every circuit breaker!”
Patty “And really, you didn’t close the door correctly either.”
Me “What the…. I didn’t close the door correctly?”
Patty “Yes, Rusty says you have to count all the thingy’s in the windows.”
Early in our marriage, we agreed that I would make all the big decisions and Patty would make all the small ones. Then, Patty decided she would tell me which decision was big or small. That has worked out pretty well, up until now.
Me “Hey, I am the pilot in command here.”
Patty “That’s not what Rusty said. He said I should take charge.”
Me “Patty, this is not like our car.”
Patty “Thank goodness.”
Patty “I think I’ll just call Rusty right now. I have him on my speed dial.”
Me “Oh, that’s great. Why don’t you just call him collect?”
Patty “I would feel much better if we just checked in with him.”
Me “Why don’t you just invite Rusty to come fly with us,” I shot back.
Patty “That would be a great idea. Then we can compare how you two do things.”
Me “Fine, wonderful. Just wonderful.
All of this dialogue occurred in front of multiple cameras and lights. You see, Patty had agreed to be filmed for the Citation Jet Pilot’s Companion Course at the annual convention. It was supposed to be a “model” presentation of what a well-rehearsed pre-takeoff checklist should look like.
But after fifty plus years of repressed cockpit feelings, she went totally off script. Then she started laughing. I couldn’t get her to stop laughing.
She’s still laughing.
A copy of this video is now locked in a vault at the bank where no one can ever see it.
Fly safe.