Page 43 - OCT 19 TNT

Without a doubt, October is my favorite month of the traveling public tasked to ensure passenger safety but the year. Fall brings the change of colors, crisp temperatures, the smell of burning leaves, the sound of migrating geese and the holiday of horrors: Hal- loween. While an admirer of the season, I’m not a fan of the grisly facets of All Hallows’ Eve – even when narrated by Vincent Price. But the ghoulish holiday does present a timely pretext to discuss what we tell our passengers before things turn dangerous or disastrous. A Timely, Truth-Telling Factoid We spend vast amounts of time and money celebrating the macabre traditions of Halloween (close to $2 billion). And the latest rumor is that it’s the second most popular holiday of the year next to Christmas. But this is fake news; it’s not true. Second place spending and popularity goes to an event that’s not even a holiday: Back-to-School. Who says the U.S. is falling behind in education? Then you have Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Easter, Father’s Day, the Super Bowl and then Halloween. We spend more on our Mothers than our Fathers or sweethearts. Also, more on Easter baskets than for Fathers. The Halloween popularity rumor is not true; it’s low on the holiday totem pole. The correlation to aviation in this truth- telling factoid is coming. Remember, it’s a “timely pretext.” Good Fun? Halloween originated with the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, where people would light bonfires and wear cos- tumes to ward off ghosts. The evening before was known as All Hallows Eve, and later Halloween. Halloween has evolved into trick-or-treating, pumpkin carving, parties, costumes and eating candy. It’s also the holiday in which we say and do ghoulish things in an attempt to elicit fear, apprehension, shock, surprise and to exercise the adrenal glands of others – all in good fun of course, and more often perpetrated by males. While I have seen GA pilots attempt said good fun with aircraft systems in order to startle or scare passengers, such fiendish and foolish actions are in direct conflict with our professional persona when we operate an airplane. Calm and boring is the way we want our flights to proceed – no drama, no shock, no fear, no surprises and definitely no blood and guts. But when Halloween-like dangers become a reality, how much truth should we tell passengers about airplane issues? Things like dangerous weather, diversions, fuel leaks, fires, equipment deficiencies and component failures? Before we get too grave, here is a warm-up tale about presenting pas- sengers with the inconvenient truth. A Servant of The Traveling Public While not dangerous or disastrous, the following incident highlights the reactions, this one irrational, that our passen- gers may exhibit when we tell them the truth. While not as funny as the “stiff-drink” affair (see “Say What?,” T&T July 2019) and more about the selfish state of mind in which we may find people, this tale is also from an FA and a true story. Picture if you will, an intelligent, diligent and well-presented female crew member. Normally a gentle, delicate and humble young lady, this flight attendant is. An attentive servant of pushed, not by a full moon but an irate and irrational traveler, into revealing the werewolf portion of herself. The portion where polite patience turns to engulfing exasperation (cue Vincent Price laughing in the background). Her G550 Was at the Cleaners The story takes place on a flight from RSW to ORD and involves a lady passenger that was connecting on a flight to Spain from ORD. Keep in mind, a lot of folks from RSW travel with their Pekinese pocket-puppy and only use public transportation when their G550 is at the cleaners. The weather in Chicago was absolute crap, and after some holding, the captain announced that the flight would divert to Milwau- kee. Oh boy, the lady and her dog would have none of that. Standing up in her seat (the lady, not the dog), she began her rant: “I need to get to Chicago for my flight to Spain.” The mild-mannered FA approached and responded, “We have to divert to Milwaukee ma’am – the weather in Chicago is too bad to land.” Pounding with both hands on the back of her seat and in unison with her words, she responded: “That’s unacceptable. We-have-to-go-to–Chicago – period.” At this point, passengers sitting plus or minus a couple of rows were staring with trepidation as the confrontation escalated in intensity and animation. With waning patience, the FA said, “I’m sorry, but this plane is already on its way to Milwaukee.” The passenger then added foot stomping to her hand pound- ing and shouted, “No-it-is-not! Tell the captain we have to go to Chicago!” A low growl confirmed the dog’s agreement. The FA apparently needed to use different words. These weren’t working on the lady or the dog. A Huge Ball of Fire The lady’s tantrum was finally cut short when the flight attendant calmly and quietly let fly with the unrestrained truth: “Ma’am, sit down right now. We have to divert to Mil- waukee because we need more fuel. If we don’t, we are going to run out of gas, crash into the ground, burst into a huge ball of fire and we will all die – and your little dog Toto too.” Even a meek, mild and humble servant of the people must October 2019 / TWIN & TURBINE • 41