Page 34 - Jan22T

On Final
by David Miller
WHotel Horrors
e are truly blessed to travel in relative safety in our airplanes, especially during a pandemic. But sometimes, the scariest part of the trip happens
at the hotel. Three stories come to mind.
The Short Circuit
Once upon a time, in the land before cellphones, we used something called a “landline.” This was a large telephone with a long cord attached to the wall. We spoke into the handle and the sound came out of a similar device many miles away. It worked perfectly – most of the time.
My business trip with several employees in our Sabre- liner found us overnighting at a Kansas City hotel. I called Patty and gave her the hotel number so that she could call me later. Then something very strange happened at the hotel switchboard. Patty placed a call to the number I gave her. A woman answered. A bit shocked, Patty asked, “Is David there?” “No, he is not,” came the reply. Patty hung up. Now, slightly frustrated, Patty called again. Only this time, the call went straight through to the room of my employee John Weaver. “Is David there?” she said more sternly. “No, he is not,” said John. Then, “Is this Patty?”
“Yes,” she yelled. “Who in the heck is this?”
“It’s John Weaver.” “Where is David?” she yelled. “I have no idea,” John said.
About 30 seconds later, John called my room and said I had better call home quickly. Evidently, I had some “splainin” to do.
The Digital Age
In the late 1980s, I was excited about my first business trip to Italy. We checked into the hotel and the first thing
I wanted to do was call back to Dallas and catch up with “voicemail.” You could dial the office and push buttons on your phone to retrieve recorded messages. Very cool. I reached for the phone by the bed and realized that it was a “rotary” style phone, and it would be impossible to get my messages. But I remembered that some phones had a switch on the inside you could toggle to transform it into a digital version. I turned the phone over, took my tiny screwdriver and loosened four screws.
The entire contents of the phone fell out all over the floor...thirty pieces altogether.
Losing my breath while repeating several Italian swear words, I wondered aloud if my attempt to manipulate the phone was a violation of some Italian laws. I worked for two hours to place each part back in the phone. It never worked again, and I asked for another room because of the poor view.
The Wrong Room
Last month, I asked Patty to fly with me in our Mustang to Wichita for a business meeting. Not entirely pleased, I sweetened the deal by promising her a suite at the down- town high-rise hotel. Unfortunately, we checked in during an employee training exercise. Twenty minutes later, we had multiple keys to adjoining rooms. Tired and hungry, Patty stood by me in the hallway as I opened the door.
In the afternoon sunlight sat a very large, totally naked man in a chair.
Now, I have seen my share of totally naked men. Let me rephrase that. I was stunned to see a totally naked man on a chair. So was he. Slamming the door shut and running like hell to catch up with a screaming Patty, we retreated to the elevator.
Thirty minutes later, the management trainee came to our door and said we would get 10,000 points added to our loyalty account. I am not sure what the naked guy got.
Fly safe.
David Miller has owned and flown a variety of aircraft from light twins to midsize jets for more than 50 years. With 6,000 plus hours in his logbook, David is the Direc- tor of Programs and Safety Education for the Citation Jet Pilot’s Safety Foundation. You can contact David at davidmiller1@sbcglobal.net.
32 • TWIN & TURBINE / January 2022