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groundspeed. It was less than an hour to ICT from the top of climb. Little did I know, Newton’s “ghost” had other ideas.
With hunger pains panging, I quickly grabbed a pack of pea- nuts out of the cabinet behind the copilot seat and proceeded to choke down some nourishment. And then it happened. I was actually choking. I couldn’t breathe. My windpipe was clogged.
In desperation, I doubled my fists and thrust them as hard as I could into my solar plexus to attempt a self-inflicted Heimlich Maneuver. After several punches, I exploded with a loud noise (that I’m sure ATC heard) while evacuating peanuts and spittle all over the glass cockpit screens. It was like a shot- gun blast. But I was alive and breathing. Using my sunglasses’ cleaning cloth and some water, I then delicately cleaned the screens in an attempt to erase the trace of the inflight debacle as I cruised on to home base without any more issues.
Here is the moral of the story. In aviation, on every flight, there are many speeds we have to deal with: V speeds, rela- tive wind speeds, barber pole Mach barriers, electrons moving through systems at the speed of light...you get the picture. And then there is the fastest of them all – the “Speed of Stupid.” Had I choked to death, single-pilot, titanic tailwind, on autopilot, no passengers, 6+ hours of gas remaining, I could have had an unconscious range of over 2,200 nm. It would have been a burial at sea. Certainly, something that would have disappointed my wife and kids and positively confused the NTSB investigation. (Unless of course, I was shot down earlier by homeland security after being branded a terrorist).
Take it from me; when flying single-pilot, eat pudding not peanuts. Newton’s third law of physics can potentially ruin your life if you don’t pay attention to the cause and effect of the simplest things. Even something as tiny as a peanut.
Side note: I deliberated on rather I should to tell this story to anyone until I realized just how many meals we as pilots ate en route, single pilot. So finally, at one of our annual safety stand down m e e t i n g s ( a k a “ T h e D a y t h e E a r t h S t o o d S t i l l ” )•, I t o l d t h i s s t o r y t o t h e group of 300 company pilots. Many laughed, all saw the stupidity and the maintenance guys even said “so you’re the guy” as they had found some remaining peanut fodder. But later, I was awarded the never before issued, prestigious “Banana Pudding Cup Award” for my valor and ability to survive my stupidity. T&T
Scott Kraemer is a 35+ year vet- eran in the business aviation industry, with 27 of those years spent in the sales and marketing department at Beechcraft Corporation. Scott holds a Commercial Pilot License and has logged over 7,000 hours in more than
50 aircraft models. Presently, Scott is an Executive Director for Holstein Aviation specializing in aircraft acquisitions, sales and consultation. You can contact Scott at jscottkraemer@gmail.com.
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August 2018 TWIN & TURBINE • 15