You may have noticed that I use a few contractions in my writing. I’d probably use more if I didn’t have a proofreader and editor to save me from myself. Professional writers often consider contractions informal and indicative of “undeveloped” writing skills. Why we still use so many contractions and acronyms in aviation is a mystery: CA, FO, FA, ATIS, NOTAM, FAA, AMEL, ATP, RVSM, METAR and EIEIO. Ok, maybe Old McDonald is the only one that uses EIEIO. In the olden days of aviation, we were trying to save ink (printers), time (FSS teletypes) or thermofax paper (ACARS).
In the age of smartphones, tablets and magic avionics, we could very easily use the full words – especially in our weather reports, automatic terminal information service (ATIS) and notices to air missions (NOTAMS). Whose idea was that “air-mission” thing instead of airman anyway? Since nonapplicable NOTAMs often put us to sleep, canceling “airman” must be to wake us up.
Not like FAA or IRS
A comedian like Jerry Seinfeld might say: “What ever happened to those old contractions?” Twas, for example. As in ‘‘Twas the night before Christmas.’ Did its patent get renewed, or did we decide using ‘it was’ is plenty efficient?”
Even the MS Word spell checker doesn’t like ‘twas. Personally, I think ‘twas rolls off the tongue quite properly. Not like FAA or IRS. And it’s easier to say than both supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis. The spell checker recognizes both words – one made up by songwriter Robert B. Sherman (for Disney’s Mary Poppins) and the other a lung disease. But it doesn’t recognize ‘twas. Who’d a thunk?
Well, once upon a time, ‘Twas the night before Christmas and this writer was a junior in seniority airline captain, flying along in his shiny MD-80, and I didn’t have eight tiny reindeer. I used to have a co-pilot and four reindeer working the cabin, but cost-cutting reduced the cabin reindeer to three. And neither Mr. Seinfeld nor Ms. Poppins was onboard, and the air was filtered to prevent that pneumonoultramicroscopic-thing. And as usual for a junior pilot, it was evening. Well, it was past evening – it was dark, very dark. By the time midnight rolls around aboard the last flight from O’Hare to LAX, there is indeed not a creature stirring, not even a mouse. We did find them on the planes every now and then, by the way. Mice, that is, not creatures. Well, perhaps a few grumpy, not in the spirit, humbug-type creatures.
Confiscated
Traveling by commercial air on a holiday is always, shall we say, colorful. Like the scene from the now classic Christmas movie “Home Alone” when mom realizes they’ve overslept, it’s easy to get behind during the holidays. And while masks are no longer mandatory and we may be accustomed to removing our laptop, iPad, belt, shoes, and posing in the “stick-em-up” position for the full body scanner, getting wrapped Christmas presents past TSA is like trying to get DCA flight plan papers stored at Mar-a-Lago past the FBI. Neatly wrapped packages must be scanned and sometimes unwrapped – declassified or not. And don’t forget, even though pot is legal in many states, you can’t take it through TSA.
We Are Empathetic
When traveling in our planes Part 91 or as a Part 121 or 135 crew member, we may often ignore the ordeal of hotel checkout, rental car return, tram to the terminal, ticket counter and TSA inspection and interrogation that the traveling public must endure. It’s no wonder our passengers often arrive to our airplane behaving like one of those humbug creatures vs. a meek, mild and humble mouse. We don’t forget the ordeal and we are empathetic, but many of the tribulations of commercial air travel, especially on the airlines, are simply beyond the control of the crew.
Strangers Become Family
Once you make it through security and into the terminal, some of the more pleasant aspects of Christmas travel may begin. The commercial terminals and FBOs are nicely decorated with Christmas ornaments, lights and displays. One terminal in Chicago has a very nice “Twelve Days of Christmas” display; each tree is decorated to represent one of the twelve days. And most airline terminals have a chapel in which services are held several times throughout the day.
The main halls are decked with giant ornaments and lights while Christmas music fills the air and sets the mood. Some songs are traditional classics like “Baby it’s Cold Outside,” “Santa Baby,” “Frosty The Snowman,” and “White Christmas.” Others are more modern such as Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You,” “I believe in Santa Clause” by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers, and “Christmas Eve Sarajevo” and “Christmas Canon” by Trans-Siberian Orchestra. The decorations and music help strangers to become like family.
Deicing, Uniforms, PAs and CGSD
With a blizzard at the field, do you really expect an on-time departure? A lot of airports (including GA FBOs) will have deicing plans in effect. You should know what types(s) of deicing/anti-icing fluid are acceptable to use on your airplane (I, II, III and IV). It’s based on POH specifications and takeoff rotation speed. The most common uniform change among working crew members will be neckties, scarves and holiday jewelry. Airline captains may make special welcome aboard and enroute PAs.
The most common addition to the enroute PA during a Christmas Eve flight will be information on the progress of our fellow aviator and his reindeer crew. Once word is received that his flight plan is on file (via an automatic text from Flight Plan-Go), a ceremonious announcement is made. More PAs are made providing updates on his location throughout the flight, sometimes to the chagrin of humbug-type passengers. Traffic is typically light on Christmas Eve, and direct routing is common – unless a vector around aforesaid, high-priority, multi-mammal-powered traffic is required. Even though Santa’s Sleigh Avionics Suite (SAS) was updated with TCAS and ADS-B, he’s still negative RVSM because Rudy can’t get a proper O2 mask fit due to a congenital-glowing-schnoz-disorder (CGSD).
A Peaceful Stillness
Everyone on a commercial flight seems to have a special connection as Christmas Eve slips away and Christmas morning arrives. The connection is even more special between crew members. We’re all away from our homes, families and pets, so as a crew, we become a family even more so than normal. The view out the windows seems different on Christmas Eve too. When you look down at the normally busy roads at night, you notice a peaceful stillness. And even though you can’t see snow on the ground, you feel that it’s there – like a Christmas card or painting of a wintery landscape.
If the moon is bright enough, you may see the shiny glimmer of a snowy field or mountain every now and then. Sometimes you may get a view of the Northern Lights or glimpse a meteor. You also realize that hundreds of thousands of euphoric children nestled in their beds are struggling to sleep with that once-a-year incredible anticipation of the upcoming day. The children onboard are not nestled in their beds for a long winter’s nap. And I doubt it’s sugar plums dancing in their heads – more likely some electronics, games and toys, and their euphoria is contagious.
It’s the Thought that Counts
Once you arrive at your destination, the Merry Christmas goodbyes begin. After a Christmas Eve flight, the thank you’s and goodbyes are quite sincere. And people really seem to care about each other. If you’re headed to another hotel like the crew, you are reminded that a lot of other folks are working Christmas Eve and Day: clerks, maids, drivers, and restaurant workers – even a manager or two. And it can feel strange waking up in a hotel room on Christmas morning. When I was an airline captain, I’d try to bring cards and gifts for my crew when we met for breakfast or crew pick-up on Christmas morning. It could be difficult to select a gift since we normally don’t know each other very well. But it turns out that it truly is the thought that counts.
Like flying at night on July 4 or midnight on New Year’s Eve, there is something special about flying and working on Christmas Eve. If you are one of the thousands of people working on Christmas Eve and Day, you are blessed with the task of helping others to enjoy “not working.” I think that the folks tasked with working seem to have more Christmas spirit than those with the day off. They’re given the opportunity of sharing that spirit with strangers and to treat them as family. Those working Christmas Day get to experience the often elusive “true meaning of Christmas.”
It’s Better To Give
Assisting at a food bank or taking gifts or a meal to one of your favorite local businesses like a restaurant, auto shop or doctor’s office are examples of special things we might try on Christmas Day in pursuit of the true meaning of Christmas. What about the folks at your FBO? The maintenance shop will be closed, but the office and line people will be working. How easy would it be to deliver a few pizzas with a ribbon and bow on each box! Bring along a gallon of eggnog or apple cider and some plastic champagne glasses too. If you have never tried these types of things, you may be amazed at the feelings it will generate in those involved.
Fly Away All
Well, you’ve made it through another contraction-filled story. But hopefully, this heartfelt rendition from an undeveloped writer refreshes your perspective and puts you in the holiday spirit. I also hope there is one contraction you noticed I did not use: the one where you substitute an “X” in Christmas, taking out “Christ.”
If you’re flying your sleigh Christmas Eve like Santa and me, then to the end of the runway, to the top of the climb, fly away, fly away, fly away all. But get deiced first and be careful out there my friends. Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
